.it's the END.

i was thinking on my bed last night. strangely, i could not sleep. i was not feeling butterflies in my stomach. come on! it's a afternoon chem MCQ paper. if i should be nervous, it would be the night before my most dreaded subject, econs. anyway, it is my last time wearing a school uniform today. i dun think there will be any chance for me to put on that grey stuff anymore. it could be the last time i will be seeing all the Nj peeps unless we all make an effort to keep in touch. it will be my last time having an exam in school. oh my!!! so many last times but i sure wont miss any of them. finally, the day i have been waiting for is finally here.

looking back at my JC journey, i dont know if i should cry or laugh. i did not want to get into NJ. it was not my ideal JC. luckily, i have encouraging parents. "2 years will be over before you know" how true it is. i dont feel like 2 years have passed. have i matured? what have i gained? more friends? more knowledge? did i enjoy myself? would things be better if i were somewhere else?

04S16- a class i will always remember. getting into trouble with the school admin, all the after school activity which was EATING, all the gatherings, and the mystery unsolved. i still dont know who that person is. maybe it is better to leave it as a mystery. let's not hurt our friendship because of that. =) fate brought us fun and laughter and then tears and curses. we were separated. it was hard for me initially to mix with 04S14 because i had to start everything brand new with people i have not seen in my entire life, except for goi, god, tiong, HQ and ah ma. at times, i was in dilemmas. (i guessed only a few of you know what that means) i was neither here nor there. i felt like a lost sheep. =( the bond gets stronger with the torturous PW sessions, endless chit chats with heng, inspiring lessons from yong.. and a year had passed. the second year was a mad rush. all i could rmb was lecture tests, assignments, make up lessons esp tek's, tests (did i mention that alrdy). we still have fun! the trcher's day celebrations, today, playing bingo during contact....

i am guilty of not being a good friend, a good daughter and a good sister during this stressful period. i felt bad when my mum told me she could not slp the night before my morning paper because she was afraid she would overslp. if she failed to wake me up in the morning, i would be SCREWED. during the first few papers, my parents would offer to lock the door for me when i left the house. they dont do that for me on normal days. i could see their worries and hope for me. i feel loved. they dun give me any pressure. i just want to do them proud for once. i have never done anything they can be proud of me before. i had failed them once 2 years ago and i dont want history to repeat itself. i felt guilty when i just closed my door and studied in my room everyday. when they came in to check on me, i would give them the "dont disturb me" look. why on earth did i do that? moreover, i totally lost contact with my friends. minimum interaction with the outside world. no gatherings, no outings. just good luck msgs via SMS. we r not even communicating using the internet!!! i had totally become a nerd. ARgh! i deserved to be punished!

"it just keeps flowing"